@Balneor Ah,
that treatment. *chuckle* now I remember why I like traveling.
Aight, since the nitpicks are only that, I'll just correct them as I go and focus on the suggestions. Thanks again for the effort.
I'm keeping guilty and not pity, first because "felt really pity about Lunshyr" doesn't work, and second because although I am talking about god-like entities, the way the Klonoa series deals with that kind of entities and their personas is radically different from Homer's Odyssey. The type of dialogue, the type of entity and their behavior/relationships with mortals isn't handled the same way, for the simple reason that Klonoa has a child-like wondrous feel to its dialogue that Homer does not possess - which is normal, since these two universes aren't trying to appeal to the same type of audience. The gods in Greek Mythologies are figures of higher authority, wrathful, sometimes egoistical and very much flawled. The ones in a universe like Klonoa are essentially friendly protectors.
So yeah, I'm keeping guilty.
I do realize that I'm not supposed to answer to your string of thoughts there, but I'm gonna do that anyway, because I might as well express mine.
First off, you could ask the exact same questions for Odysseus (yes, that's Ulysse's English name, the more you know): why did the gods of the Greek Mythology focus on him and graced him instead of the rest of his crew? Short answer is: because he has qualities they don't possess. Lunshyr's case is essentially that -
she was the one who came up with her idea where nobody else really wanted to believe in it before her death;
she was the one who started training everyone to make sure her protective wish could happen; and
she was the one who organized the last stand necessary to try and save the Light Spirit from Ghadius. She's getting special treatment because she did more, and her punishment from Ghadius was far worse.
The problem here is that you're looking too deep into something that is not to be looked as deeply as, say, Homer's Odyssey, or anything you've read of that caliber. Please keep in mind that although I am putting in several more mature ideas hidden in the dialogue here and there, this is still Klonoa, so a fairy tale world in its essence. You shouldn't read a fairy tale the same way you should read a mythological epic. The needs, the details or lack of details, the challenges and character developments, are radically different.
Once again, if you have anything else to comment on aside nitpicks and the flashback - which I'm glad to know you found interesting - I'm all ears, because it helps more than you'd think. Grammar can always be fixed, but overall impressions, what sounds right and what sounds wrong to readers, the way they perceive characters, how they like them/hate them and why, is way more impactful than that, and I can't necessary grasp how impactful it is if readers don't mention any of that.
Also? Just read everything from this topic. You don't need to go to Fanfiction if you're already here.
