Aaaaand another topic I've never seen before
Despite having never readed fanfictions seriously and entirely (I don't have a good image of them to begin with, unfortunately), because I have some time to spare, I figured I could at least read a tiny-bit of it.
I'm not an expert about litteracy, I've not even read "Vision 1-1" in it's entirety before making this comment, but so far i'ts quite solid, everything seems faithful to the serie (Or at least, the general ideas).
Now I wouldn't comment, but as I was reading, one line tickled my eye :
Quote from: Tortwag on February 08, 2016, 02:44:12 PMHe proceeded to kick the two of them and they flew away in the distance, unleashing horrified screams as they disappeared in the distance.
(Situated in Vision 1-1 paragraph, just "ctrl F" to find the sentence quickly)
So maybe you saw what already is the deal with it, but here you say two times the same word. It tickles because the rest of the writing is flawless, at least in my point of view.
I would suggest to remove
"in the distance" from the part
"as they disappeared in the distance". But you are the writer, so do as you like.
Yes, this is a almost-insignificant problem, but since I can express myself and be heard pretty easily, I figured why not give it a try.
Spoiler
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